Rachel Cunliffe

No, that’s not on my list of things I’d like to hear at the end of a day struggling through with the flu.

The “swimming pool” is now emptied down to a manageable quantity (rather than one with waves any more) and I’ve put the mop down temporarily to sit and catch my breath.

It’s been a rough last three weeks: 16 days of constant headaches (of which my birthday was in the middle of) really does your head in in more ways than one.  It’s been hard to concentrate, and I’ve been worried about what the cause was.  Blood tests, blood pressure, checks for those serious causes of headaches all came back negative.  Then I started feeling confused about whether I had the headache at any point in time, I’d had it for so long it was hard to remember what not having one was like.

It was only when I talked about all the books I’ve been reading lately to someone I know when they asked a key question: have you had your eyes checked lately?  I hadn’t, so I did and it turns out I need glasses for reading, computer work, watching TV or long distance driving.  All the book reading I’d been doing at the end of the day when my eyes were tired from working on the computer and then watching a little TV was just a bit too much for my eyes to take it seems.

I was relieved that was the answer.  I’ve eased off reading (sniff, sniff), taken regular breaks from the computer during the workdays and longer ones during the weekend and the headaches have subsided.

Then I got the flu.  Now is there some sort of Mum-flu variety which means you lose your voice?  I’ve had it twice in the last couple of months and I can’t remember losing it before that.  Rather frustrating trying to whisper “Nooooo!” to a 14 month old, or indeed whisper anything to anyone.  The coughing-yourself-to-sleep routine is also not the nicest, especially for my lovely husband who has been trying to get a little bit of sleep next to me.  Of course, this is compounded by Mr. 14 month old with a really high fever and ear-piercing screams and Mr 3.5 with disgusting conjunctivitis in both eyes.

Sigh.

I was angry about the swimming pool in the bathroom, but he didn’t do it to be naughty so I’m not even angry with him.  I provided him the means (large flannel to wash the tiger face paint off his face while he was in the shower) and the time (long shower while I tidied the bench, feeling proud of myself for getting the energy together to do some cleaning).

It was only this morning that without prompting (or even me around) Mr 3.5 helped another adult pick up all the discarded Christmas wrapping paper at the end of year function.  Having another Mum come and tell you that she’d like to borrow him to teach her boys some manners made me so proud.  I just can’t be angry with him for long.

Oh yes, that’s right the bathroom.  I guess there goes all the towels I just washed.

We were living in a one bedroom apartment with the stereo set loudly to Newstalk ZB to make sure I got up in time for the bus to work.  I awoke with a startle to hear Paul Holmes saying – and I remember the exact phrase – “… and tens of thousands of people are dead, the World Trade Tower has collapsed…”  We raced bleary-eyed into the lounge and flicked on our tiny TV to see the images to match the words. I don’t think anything will ever match that feeling of being stunned that day.  I called my parents and told them to turn on the TV.

I went to work but didn’t get anything done.  We were all watching TV, trying to load videos online, trying to contact friends in NYC, confused, shocked, fearful of what it all meant.  The TV networks played the same clips over and over, and it got to be a bit too much to see it on loop after a while.  I was most disturbed by seeing people jump to their death live on TV.

We’d seen too many NYC disaster movies, this felt too surreal for it to be real this time.

—

It was seven years later that I returned to NYC, 17 years after my last visit.  I stood at the edge of a bustling, noisy and messy building construction site, saw the names listed out and couldn’t hold back the tears.

—

Even when I see the pictures today, tears come.
I’ll never forget September 11.

I’m having a week without logging into Facebook.  To ensure I don’t go there accidentally, I logged out and even deleted the app from my phone.  I was getting so mad about Facebook for so many different reasons (perhaps I will write about them over time) but then came to realise that part of the problem was me and the simplest part of this to solve was how often I checked it.

The best way to figure out how often you do something is to resolve to not do it for a period of time.  I am pretty surprised at how often my thoughts have been turning to Facebook.  I’ve even typed it once inadvertently and saw the login page beckoning.  Would I say I am addicted to checking Facebook?  I’m not sure, but I’m glad to be having time out from it.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately about how technology is changing our social behaviours.  I highly recommend Alone Together by MIT researcher Sherry Turkle.  Just as the disturbing film We Live in Public stayed in my thoughts for quite some time (and often comes back to me), to say Alone Together is food for thought is such an understatement.  I’m going to re-read the book shortly and take notes on it on my blog as I do so.

The other day I discovered Caterina Fake via Anil Dash and found her excellent post on FOMO – the fear of missing out – which is discussed along with Sherry’s book over at Psychcentral.

“Social software both creates and cures FOMO. If you didn’t know that party was going on, you’d be home contentedly reading your latest New Yorker. But since you do, you hungrily watch each new tweet.” – Catarina Fake

Is FOMO the main driver for logging into Facebook all the time?

And is this it?

We’re just back in New Zealand after a lovely, lovely, lovely month in Hawaii. I think I leave a little bit of me there every time we leave (it’s our third time there together)… our home away from home…

There are so many things I love about Hawaii: the sun, the long days, the heat but not too much and no real humidity, the beaches, the lagoons, the people, the lifestyle, the shopping, the positivity and politeness of Americans, the laid back Hawaiian way, the cleanliness and tidiness everywhere, the way they like to celebrate things and have traditions… I could go on :)

I’m usually a little down coming back from vacation… so I need to think of things to be thankful for back home too, to find new things to look forward to and to think about how I can incorporate some the things I liked while away back into life at home.